#Reverb14: Prompt 17- Don’t Be An A**hole

Prompt 17:

How can you stop being an a**hole, get out of your own way and make room for more of your magic to happen in 2015?

This year, I was more brave, decisive, and fearless than I have been in years past. It manifested itself in different ways than might be expected. It appeared most often when I rejected work and relationships that did not serve me. So when I first read this prompt, I patted myself on the back for not being an asshole in 2014. And then I thought about it more… and more. And realized that I was totally an asshole.

In my book, Create Your Own Opportunities: Career Coach Yourself to Success, I talk about the beliefs and behaviors that lead to success. One chapter is devoted to managing your ego and not to let it get in your way. This is what I wrote:

Too often, we spend our mental energy worrying how other people are going to judge us. We sway two ways, alternating between the extremes. First we go to great lengths to protect ourselves, telling ourselves we aren’t worthy and then in turn don’t pursue opportunities that seem even slightly risky. Other times we hear something we don’t like, maybe criticism, and spend all of our emotional energy defending ourselves to confirm our place in the world. That leaves us too exhausted and unfocused to create anything else or make change.

It’s really hard to remember this and always follow your own advice! I often compared my path to others last year, wondering why I didn’t have the book sales or speaking engagements that other people had, or was not asked to comment on articles where I would have been perfect as an expert. The result is that I would sulk and retreat (in the past, I would have also taken the defensive route, but not so much now).

In 2015, I need to remember it’s not about the recognition, but why I do these things (also talked about this in Prompt 14). I want get more gigs and appear in the news because my work helps people and the more people who know about it, the more people I can help. So I should keep at it for that reason, but if I am not the person who appears in an article… oh well. No reason to sulk. There are other ways to get my message out, other things to focus on, and feel good for the person who does get the space.

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This year, I did a few speaking events and they were all awesome. It matters that every one was awesome, not that I did 20 of them. Remembering that will help me from getting out of my way. 

How will you NOT be an asshole in 2015?